


The Delivery

by Hotspur



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Food, Gen, hot dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 20:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2596163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotspur/pseuds/Hotspur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto accepts a delivery and Torchwood has a new mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Delivery

**Author's Note:**

> At Doctor Who parties at church we have hot dogs. Andy, our pastor, was cosplaying Jack for Death in Heaven last week and he kept telling everyone to eat more hot dogs because there was a big crock pot full. This story came from his mission. He came up with some of the plot devices.
> 
> Note- Andy died on January 9th, 2015. He was my best friend. This is now in his memory.

Due to some gross clerical error, Torchwood had been delivered two thousand hot dogs. With no explanation, a truck had backed up in front of the travel agency and a deliveryman had handed Ianto a clipboard with the instruction "Sign here." 

Being the admin that he was, Ianto signed.

The cargo was fifteen crates of frozen sausages. 

"What are we going to do with all these?" Owen asked. 

"And where did they come from?" Tosh added.

Captain Jack Harkness and part of his team- Owen Harper and Toshiko Sato, had been standing around the boxes of meat. Ianto stood in the middle of his delivery. Jack just looked at the mountain of boxes.

"I don't know who sent them or why," Ianto said. 

"Well, anyone of us order a billion frozen lumps of ground animal guts?" Owen asked.

"I scanned them," Captain Jack said, holding up a thing that looked like a mobile phone. "No devices, they're not holograms, and appear safe to eat. Ianto, next time at least ask what you're signing for before you put your lovely name on something."

"Of course," Ianto said, beginning to unbox some of the packages. "Let's get these down to storage." 

That evening Jack made hot dogs. They were nothing spectacular but they weren't too bad. Everyone except for Gwen had two, but nine eaten didn't make a dent at all in the stock. Gwen hadn't been at the Hub when the boxes had arrived and she assumed Ianto had just gotten them at a shop. After all, she'd run into him just as he was returning from the shop with bags laden with bread and condiments. 

Tosh calculated at the present rate of consumption, they'd finally get rid of all the sausage in a year. 

"Then we speed up the process," Jack said, looking with crossed arms at the screen over Tosh's shoulder. 

"Hey Ianto, have you eaten any hot dogs today?" Jack asked. Ianto was busy making tea.

"No, I haven't," Ianto replied. When he saw the look on Jack's face, he added "I will, though," and he hurried off to the freezer.

Owen had the idea of feeding some to Janet, the weevil in holding. He dragged down a crate and threw the contents into the cell. Janet tore the box open and Owen didn't wait around to see what she thought.

When Owen went back to storage, he had a rude shock. There was another case of sausages in the place of the one he'd taken.

"Maybe they have to be consumed by humans," Tosh suggested as Jack handed her a plate with mustard-laden sausage. 

Ianto sighed and ate his fifth hot dog of the day. 

-

Jack was sitting at his desk and eating a hot dog when Gwen walked past. "Hey Gwen, want a hot dog?" He asked

"Uh, sure..."

"I made some in the kitchen. Have as many as you want." 

So far, Tosh's theory of human consumption was proving accurate. The hot dogs only stayed gone when they were eaten by the team. Every time he saw someone, Jack told them to get a hot dog. Ianto had looked up as many recipes for sausage as he could because the typical in-a-wrap-of-bread variety got old fast. Jack sent several packs home with Gwen, who somehow managed to not notice the unending stream of sausage. She also didn't know that she was on her twentieth hot dog. Apparently there was some kind of perception filter on the hot dogs and nobody (except Ianto) noticed how much they were eating. 

Three weeks later, Jack grilled the last package. Ianto sighed with relief and Gwen was greatly confused at all the rejoicing. 

"I can't take it any more," Tosh yelled, running out. "I need real food!"

"If I never see another hot dog, it will be too soon," Owen grumbled, slapping some mustard on his last. 

She didn't know why, but Gwen found herself agreeing with him.


End file.
